Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You're a waste of cheezeits
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
