Having a random hookup so left but love u
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
