When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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