but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
