Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
