What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
