i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
