A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
