I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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