i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
