please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
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