she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
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I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
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SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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