We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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