This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
