no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
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NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
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And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
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