All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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