So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
