remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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