you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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