after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
