Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
