so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize