it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
