so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
