i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
