He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
