what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
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Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
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I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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