3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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