its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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