what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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