i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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