Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have fence marks all over my body
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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