Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
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One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
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Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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