omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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