When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
