I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
