There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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