when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Someone came in the potted fern
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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