Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
