my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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