Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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