hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
