Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
