Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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