If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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