Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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