can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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