My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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