I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
