boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
