so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
