Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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