I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Randomize
