I need to stop coming to work sober
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
