so that wasnt chicken after all
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
