Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
