Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
