I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
