I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
