I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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