I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
