Nicole vs. Life
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
