So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
